Reflection - Awareness Without Change

As a member of Generaztion Z, I do not have a choice in whether or not I am to be influenced by media. A phone, and a laptop have arguably become almost as necessary as food and water. To thrive in this modern environment, I believe I simply need to accept media as a presence within my life, and do my best to develop a postive relationship with it.
As I gained knowledge through this class, I realized more and more how deeply I have been affected by media; how deeply everyone has been affected by media. I have spent a lot of time pondering the correlation between my narcissim and the females I have grown up seeing in the media. Am I naturally inclined to care about how I look? I spend an awful lot of time thinking about it - how has media convinced me this is a worthy way to take up the minutes? Maybe it's not, but in all honesty, I don't care. I think outward appearances are extraoridinarily important. People are judgemental, people judge how you look. I think the excessiveness of our society's judgemental nature is in part due to media, teaching so often that we are what we look like. A major aspect of my day, of my life, of my thoughts has been instigated by media. That is a scary thought.
When I was in middle school, I struggled with anorexia and bulimia, as many girls that age do.  I had gotten social media only the year before 7th grade, and I can't help but feel my continued problems with eating are thanks to instagram. I am still on Instagram. For a long time, my eating was the most important thing to me, my obession with food was apart of who I was, and maybe who I still am. To think that my eating disorder, something that took over years of my life, is just another case of a girl feeling insecure because of Instagram? What? The most prominent memories of my middle school years are filled with hunger, and fainting, and a food diary. That is insane. This is two years of my life, so much of my time and energy lost to a disorder caused by media? I can't wrap my head around it. I have been affected so deeply I am not sure where I start and where media ends.
Thanks to movies like Missrepresentation, and Making Cents out of Teens, I have a better understanding of the media 'system,' and how it affects people my age. I had not previously understood the great amounts of strategy usde in ads, nor how many hidden ads existed in my everyday life. The fifteen appeals I learned about in class, and analyzing the messages in ads have helped me develop a block against a lot of advertising, but at the end of the day, the stream of media and advertising it just too constant to fend off. In this world, I cannot just smash my phone and laptop, they are genuineky needed to be a member of society. While I better understand media, it is going to influence me whether I want it to or not.
This was maybe my biggest and most terrifying realization. I am not in control. I do not get to choose what affects me nor how it affects me. Obviously to an extent I do, especially now that I better understand hidden ads, and ad strategies, but so much happens in my mind subconciously that I am not even aware of. I am sad to know that despite my new awareness I do not think my habits or actions will change in regard to my consumption with media. It is apart of who I am, and who we all are. (Even if we don't think so.)

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